Saturday, February 18, 2012

Just how much more can he take?

Many changes going on. Not sure I'm ready for it all. Preston has regressions and a new aversion that is affecting his daily activities at school. When home, everything is so normal for us. Our normal. Then I get an email from the teacher and realize there really is a big difference. Then the worries about his future erupt.



Preston has many aversions as it is. To the point that on some days when his senses are overwhelmed, even the color of some one's eyes can send him into meltdown mode. This is our normal. It's all perfectly content in our home. Not the case when he's at school. He's experiencing quite a few setbacks on the behavior side of things. His reading and writing is improving wonderfully. He is so much closer to being on level with his peers that it's not even a consideration for him to repeat the grade. His speech is coming along very well. He's understanding concepts. He won't use a spoon anymore. His food options have reduced. He will eat something for me off a spoon if I feed him, but he is unable to handle using the spoon himself to feed himself. It's not that he can't hold the spoon anymore, but appears to be a sensory issue. He is unable to cope with the feelings of the spoon approaching his face. Unable to cope with the feeling of closing his lips around the spoon and the food slides off and onto his tongue, under his tongue, on his teeth. If the food is considered messy in any way to him (other than icing) then he will not eat it voluntarily. As an example, he loved the Yoplait Trix yogurt. Especially the cotton candy one. He loved the pastel pink and blue. Loved it. I loved it. He was eating a healthy item. I'm all about that. Then it all changed. "I can't eat that like that." So then he starts trying to lick the yogurt out of the container. Then he tries to squeeze the container to push the yogurt out. End result becomes such a mess. He does not like mess. Now yogurt is off his food choices. Pudding is off his food choices. If I feed him yogurt, then he will eat it. However, he is six years old. He is physically able. I can't allow myself to cater to that side and feed him. I have to be strong and work towards helping him get back to the point that he can cope with the sensations and eat with utensils on his own again.

Yet, there is a new aversion that is hindering him. To the point that eating his lunch at school is becoming difficult for him. Smell aversion is a big problem for us. He is extremely sensitive. To the point now that if any peer has a hamburger on their plate then he starts to gag by the smell and has to immediately move away. His teacher informed me that it's now getting to the point he is moving around a lot during lunch just trying to find a seat to be with his friends and also be able to eat his food. It's so bad now that he's eating alone. He is the child sitting at the corner table of the cafeteria all by himself. All because the smells are overwhelming him.

Not all the kids in the cafeteria know my son. They are spinning their own back stories as to why he is sitting over there. With no friends. Clearly he has no friends. Clearly he is the weird guy that needs to be laughed at. Oh and then there's the problem of what happens when my son is being laughed at. Preston does not like being teased. Preston does not like being laughed at. Even when he does something so cute and I, as his parent, giggle because it is just too cute. It's something that every single parent experiences. Watching their child do or say something so out of character it's absolutely adorable with a touch of natural humor. For Preston, that is a detrimental action. His feelings are hurt. His heart hurts. His anger builds at a remarkable speed. He is thoroughly enraged. He screams. He throws. He kicks. He slaps. He cries. He drops his arms defeated. He is thoroughly crushed. He withdraws into himself. He pulls away from everyone around him. He wants no one. He likes no one. He loves no one. He retreats to a depth that no one can reach him at. All of this emotion happens in a span of seconds. Mere seconds for all of this to go through him and completely exhaust him. This much from a situation at home. Now imagine it happening for every person at his school that has ever laughed or teased him. Daily. Hourly.

He's six years old and I'm worried about middle school. I'm worried about high school. His education alone is not my worry. What worries me is every single other life aspect that goes along with growing up. The experiences in middle school. The experiences in high school. Will he be able to cope? Will he ever be able to find employment? I'm not worried about him being able to do a job. It's all the steps that have to be encountered in order to get that job. The interview. The social aspect. One must be able to communicate effectively. One must be able to cope with diversity. My son is unable to communicate effectively with his peers. My son is unable to cope with diversity. It has been this way for years.

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